Dealing with Disappointment

January 7, 2024

By Nicole

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One of the truths I’ve learned in my journey is that things can be simultaneously both good and bad. Life is a complex creature in her ability to perform this feat. I think this phenomenon is similar to Charles Dicken’s famous quote: “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.”

I think Dickens knew that some of our bests can be some of our worsts.

I first recognized this phenomenon when my mother transitioned. Prior to, I had never been able to achieve the financial status of that of my peers. Even with all my degrees and working in these arenas that are typically high-paying, I constantly fell short. It was like I was so far behind that even when I was given a leg-up, I remained in the back of the pack. I understand now that my character needed the humbling. But at the time, it only increased my frustration. 

I look back on journal entries and realize that finances were a consistent concern. At one point, I had written that I was waiting for my next paycheck to publish my first book. It makes me proud that 30-year-old Nicole was investing in her dream, even back then.

Side note. Next month will be ten years since publishing my first book, “How to Overcome Heartbreak: Recovering From Misguided Love”. Can you believe it? More to come on that…

When I started my MBA program, I was fearful about how I would pay for it. It was my grandmother’s dream for me to obtain an advanced degree yet there were some shenanigans with receiving her inheritance. Though her desire was for me to receive something, it was all stolen. I didn’t get a dime.

When I learned that my employer would pay a certain amount of my tuition, I was elated. I also wanted to go to a more inexpensive school to help cover costs, yet the Father prompted me to apply to a private college that charged more than double. And then, I actually got in. So, now it seemed, I would have more student loans to repay. Two and a half times the normal amount. I was truly walking by faith, not just with my finances, but with pursuing a subject that terrorized me in undergrad: good old accounting.

The thing that kept me going during that time was viewing this degree as belonging to the Divine’s.

“It’s His degree, Nicole,” I would tell myself. “That means He’s going to pay for it.”

When my mother transitioned, which was one of the most challenging and shocking experiences of my life, my financial status changed too. I was taken care of. For a time at least. I still had to be mindful with spending, and am still walking by faith in that area, but there were some definite perks and blessings that arrived with that mindfulness. For the first time in my life, I felt like money wasn’t this constant focus. I could enjoy it without the burden of counting. If I had been at the back of the societal middle-class pack, I had suddenly shot forward. And that is one reason we should never compare. Because God can do for you on the back-end what others receive on the front-end.

Can you look back on your life and see both good things and bad things happening? 

I know I had some disappointments last year. I know I was hoping and waiting and expecting certain things that didn’t come to pass, even amidst the good that did.

When I talked to God about my hurt, I was reminded of David in the Bible. When his baby was afflicted, he fasted, but when his child died, he ate. And then, and this really blew my mind, he worshipped. His servants were in shock because, normally when a death happens, the Jews would grieve and fast and weep, and yet David did the opposite. What I understand with this illustration is that when hard things happen, there’s nothing else we can do about it. We are disappointed, but then, life goes on. All we can do is carry out what is before us today. All we can do is keep moving forward.

One thing that really blessed me with that passage was that even though David lost his child, he received another one. And that child became a great King named Solomon.

Not that one child could ever replace the loss of another, but I think we can learn from this occurrence that even when we think we’ve lost something, and are disappointed that life didn’t turn out the way we hoped, God still has something for us. 

Sometimes, something better.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, God did pay for that degree. I was right to trust Him too.

In other news…Did you know that I just dropped my debut novel When Love Wins? You can check out more here! This time around there is an audiobook in addition to the eBook and paperback versions. Make sure you are subscribed to my email list to catch special offers, discounts, insider information, and more!

Are you on Instagram/Facebook? If so, please reach out. I have a series called “Word of the Day Wednesdays” where I share 5-10 minutes worth of nuggets that are on my heart, which I hope are encouraging to others on IGTV/FB Live! I have these also posted on my Youtube Channel.

And, lastly, if you have read “Stories for the (Urban) Soul, please put up an Amazon review here. I was SUPER encouraged and blessed when a new reader put up her review for my 2nd book which you can view here :).

As always, thank you for your support!

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