Do It Scared

August 27, 2023

By Nicole


21-year-old Nicole sits in her chair, getting ready to tackle the accounting exam her professor put before her and 15 other students. Whoever said accounting should be a Miami University business school requirement anyway? Up until this point the only time she’d used accounting was to account for the balance in her bank account which fluctuated depending on how much her on-campus dining hall job or RA position provided. But the powers that be implemented this class as a vital need for a degree in business, so here she sat. Fidgeting and nervous but still feeling brave enough amidst her all-white and definitely prestigious peers. 

The professor is suddenly before her, slapping a sheet of paper facedown on her desk. The rule is to not turn it over until he gives the “ok.” As soon as he does, Nicole’s eyes flood the page, and overwhelming fear dominates her. It is literally Chinese. The t-balances and debits and credits are swirling around in a taunting dance. Nothing is making sense. The prior night of studying is out the window, along with any sense of calm. Tears make their debut and silently stream down her chocolate-covered cheeks. Without hesitation, she pops up, feeling the surprised eyes of the students on every inch of her body. But nothing can stop her now. She has committed to this sudden emotional outburst. She must follow through. Head down, eyes stapled to the floor, Nicole grabs her things and bolts for the exit.

That is just one experience I had in my undergrad years at Miami U as a business student. Sadly, many rivaled the emotional and anxious state I was in. I just couldn’t seem to get it together when it came to accounting and finance. I would study for hours, work one-on-one with professors during their office hours, and get tutors. But it was all to no avail. My ability to learn was frustrated. 

It was a humbling time since I had always prided myself on my intellect. Yes, the business courses at Miami were brutal, but something else was happening here. Around this time Holy Spirit had impressed upon me, “I am frustrating your intellect so that you know it comes from Me.

So God was humbling me? It wasn’t just that I had suddenly turned stupid? But even hearing this word did not make things easier. I had been a great student since learning my multiplication tables in pre-school, and now was the time to shine. How could I fail over and over when I was working so hard to learn? I was crushed.

Have you ever been crushed by God? By life? By people? It’s like you can’t get out from under the difficulty oppressing you. The more you try to escape, the more you are pressed, the worse it gets. 

I battled my courses in college and finally saw the victory while receiving my degree and trekking across the stage in four timely years. But it was a life-changing war. I would never be the same. Not just because of the academic challenge but because of my newfound community and life-shaking identity that was birthed on that campus within me. 

Don’t you know that when you overcome a very hard thing you are never the same? You have come face-to-face with your enemy and win, which now makes you a champion.

The thing is, I didn’t feel like a champion. At least not with the foes of accounting and finance. I felt like a C-student who had barely escaped their grips by the skin of my teeth.

After graduation, I followed a circuitous route that landed me in a position as a Financial Specialist, where I was introduced to various accounting ratios. But this time, the field of accounting started making sense. I think partly because I was having real-world experiences where I could see the application of these previously foreign concepts. Chinese was suddenly becoming English.

Four years after graduating, I felt Holy Spirit prompting me to return to school and get my MBA in Accounting.

What? MBA, You say? In Accounting? 

Have you ever been called back into an unsafe environment? Maybe it’s a broken marriage that had mistrust, or an employer that was toxic, or a friend who betrayed you, yet, you can’t deny this relentless urge to repair the relationship? 

That’s what was happening to me. I was being called to face my fear.

This time, though, my victory would be different. I wouldn’t just escape as a C-student. I would be a full-blown A-student. I would graduate with a 3.8 GPA in accounting from Baldwin Wallace University.

I still remember that very first day, walking into my Intermediate Accounting class. I could literally feel the presence of the Father. I had some inhibitions and was definitely nervous, but this was my attempt to walk by faith. I had to believe that He was leading me back on this path of learning not to be defeated but to be victorious. 

I had to do it, even if I was scared.

I’ve heard it said that faith is not the absence of fear, but it is doing the thing in spite of fear.

In what ways do you need to flex your faith? 

That demonstration of bravery may just be a vital step to your next level of greatness.

In other news, did you know that I just dropped the pre-sale for my debut novel When Love Wins? You can check out more here! This time around there is an audiobook in addition to the eBook and paperback versions. Make sure you are subscribed to my email list to catch special offers, discounts, insider information, and more!

Are you on Instagram/Facebook? If so, please reach out. I have a series called “Word of the Day Wednesdays” where I share 5-10 minutes worth of nuggets that are on my heart, which I hope are encouraging to others on IGTV/FB Live! I have these also posted on my Youtube Channel.

And, lastly, if you have read “Stories for the (Urban) Soul, please put up an Amazon review here. I was SUPER encouraged and blessed when a new reader put up her review for my 2nd book which you can view here :).

As always, thank you for your support!

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