Everything Has Changed

July 7, 2024

By Nicole

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Yesterday I went to the movies and while there I realized I’ll never have to go alone again. Before this season I never knew that having a child is a form of companionship. I understood it could be an unhealthy source of codependency having had my own experience of being on the other side of single motherhood but now I’m learning what healthy single motherhood looks like. That there could actually be a healthy single motherhood. It is blowing my mind. I thought all single motherhood was laced with pain, trauma, and hardship. The struggle to make ends meet. The emotional and physical absenteeism from the other parent. The tension and stress on the relationship from the angst to provide from the parent. Now I understand the experience is predicated on the person and their resources. Of course, I’m only a week in. I clearly have a long way to go. And I can’t even think about all of what’s ahead to be honest. Where the provision will come. How we will navigate the first emotional breakdown and tantrum. Where she is going to school. All I can do is take it one day at a time. I know that’s exactly how the Father wants me to navigate it. Each day is sufficient for its own worries. 

Speaking of worries, the movie we saw was “Inside Out 2.” Many raved about it and I knew I had to take her. I loved the content and the deep insights that, as adults, too often our joy is sabotaged by worry. I thought it was just me. Now I’m seeing it as a worldwide phenomenon. Those in my fellowship would say it is in our DNA. I must agree.

It’s a shame as adults we lose our innocent “pie-in-the-sky-high” hopeful outlook on life. Some of us have a natural “glass is half full” tendency to tackle life but the bulk of us have been lugging around suitcases of anxiety about negative possible future outcomes for decades now. This life-wrenching enemy has even attacked our animals as daily I watch my cute cat BJ flee and scatter from every little noise and rattle in the house. But even as I laugh and tease him that, he’s a literal “scaredy-cat,” I know, he is a picture of me.

I asked my goddaughter after the movie what she thought and I’m always in awe of her insights. She said, “I like that the movie showed that the character needed all of her emotions to fully be who she is.” Selah. That is a word all by itself. So often we hide those ugly sides of us. Our social media culture reinforces this and as a recovering perfectionist who can sometimes default to perfectionism, I know I lean into this thinking subconsciously. But what I’ve learned and have been learning and even learning through her is, love covers a multitude of sins. That word sin means missing the mark. It is not a back-breaking harsh word that so many churches and religious leaders have made it to be. Instead, it is a picture of when a child falls down, gets dirty and the parent says, “Ok, baby, dust yourself off and get back up.”

That parent is God.

He is the perfect parent and is teaching me in this season how to parent as I have been “thrown into the fire” so to speak. It is sink or swim. I recognize it as another suddenly. My life was one way for many years and then suddenly it was different. It wasn’t until the other evening while lying in bed that I realized our age difference. We are 25 years apart, and in that revelation, I understood, the Father had caught me up. For decades I felt behind, observing my peers move forward with creating families while my own was slowly chipped away. One thing I didn’t recognize before this season is that when you are called to walk out extended singleness you are also called to walk out a season of barrenness. I had never consciously associated with the experience of feeling barren as I have cautiously left that word to those who were trying to conceive but could not. But now I see, I have been barren. 

There was a word I received in June that by the end of the week, my hands would not be empty. I left June frustrated and crushed that the way I perceived that word to manifest in my life had not. I was confused. I was distraught. It wasn’t until having her and thinking, “It feels like my arms are full,” that I was reminded of that word. God said, “Look at the date she came to you.” My jaw nearly dropped when I saw, she came 7 days from receiving that word.

He is accelerating things in this hour. He is catching us up. Those who have been behind. Those who have waited. Those who have been last. It may not look the way we wanted, but it is perfect and there is no lack.

For so many years going to the movies caused me pain. I watched the families around me. I longed for my own. Now I realize I’ll never have to go to the movies alone again. I can choose to go alone, but I don’t have to. There is a difference.

Please keep me and my goddaughter in prayer as I figure out all the details of these next steps in this transition. I only know one thing for certain: everything has changed.

Key Scriptures:

Isaiah 54:1

“Shout for joy, O barren one, she who has not given birth; Break forth into joyful shouting and rejoice, she who has not gone into labor [with child]! For the [spiritual] sons of the desolate one will be more numerous Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord.

In other news…Did you know that I just dropped my debut novel When Love Wins? You can check out more here! This time around there is an audiobook in addition to the eBook and paperback versions. Make sure you are subscribed to my email list to catch special offers, discounts, insider information, and more!

Are you on Instagram/Facebook? If so, please reach out. I have a series called “Word of the Day Wednesdays” where I share 5-10 minutes worth of nuggets that are on my heart, which I hope are encouraging to others on IGTV/FB Live! I have these also posted on my Youtube Channel.

And, lastly, if you have read “Stories for the (Urban) Soul, please put up an Amazon review here. I was SUPER encouraged and blessed when a new reader put up her review for my 2nd book which you can view here :).

As always, thank you for your support!

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